I’ve been thinking about it, and the cold, hard truth is that I’m really not a writer at heart. There was a time when writing for me was like breathing, but that time has passed. I think it’s probably healthy for me to jump on here and write journal-style, but to lay out an essay is just not in my wheelhouse anymore. It’s a bit disappointing, but sometimes I think you have to lay things down, and see where your heart has drifted to. Into new passions. Into new hobbies. Things change, and I’m just not the same person I was a few years ago. I’m not upset about that, but I think what writing gave me (for a season) was a community. I felt like I belonged, which is something I haven’t felt since then. I’m rambling. All of that to say that the Jason Weekly, weekly-column exercise has been canceled.
I am, for the 695th time (this year), trying to eat healthier. I’m just going to do my best to eliminate bad carbs (bread, chips, desserts, etc.). I’ll eat meat and dairy products and green veggies. I’ve felt scrambled mentally, and I think eating better will help that. As I’ve seen it said before, you’ve got to meet your anti-depressants halfway.
I had a (probably mild) panic attack last night. Just sensory overload. I went to bed before 8PM, and I’ll be honest: I feel pretty good this morning. I got up, cooked breakfast, drank some coffee, got the kids up for school, got them there, and made it to work. My wife helped, of course, but still. I’ve had worse mornings lately, where I sort of slink my way through things. It felt good to wake up in a more assertive mood. Not eating poorly yesterday no doubt contributed to that. 10 hours of sleep didn’t hurt. We’ll see. I can’t go to bed that early every night. Homework is back on the agenda, unfortunately. Time will tell.
I’ll try to write things like this going forward. Nothing profound. Just getting thoughts out. Thanks for reading. It’s okay if you don’t. Thanks for caring, though.