08.26.2020

Hey there!

I don’t have a lot to say, but I wanted to jump on here and unload a few things. Nothing dramatic. I just don’t have a lot of outlets right now. Well, it’s not that I don’t have them at my disposal; it’s just that I’m not making much use of them.

I’ve been feeling very drained and burnt out, and I think it’s just the combination of school starting back + eating healthier. I have spent my whole life running to food emotionally. Good emotions, eat. Bad emotions, eat. Whatever the reason, I’ve found relief, at least for a moment, in eating. I’m not eating as much these days, especially not snacking, and I feel like I haven’t found a replacement for it. I don’t know where to go to process my feelings, either good or bad. I get out of bed a little after 5, I take a shower, wake my wife up, fix breakfast, we wake up the kids, we get them ready, I take them to school, and I go to work. Work is fine. Very slow lately. I wouldn’t say it’s been a drain on my psyche. I pick them up, we do homework, we eat dinner, and we get ready for bed. By the time they go to bed around 8, I’m drained, and all I want to do is go to bed. But I don’t really want to go to bed. I just have zero mental energy left.

I’m just venting. I don’t know what to replace food with. I don’t know why I’m zonked out so early every evening. It’s confusing and frustrating. I also don’t feel like these mental health medications are doing very much. Jesus, if they are, I am supremely messed up. I should probably hit my doctor up and tell her, but every time I talk to her I gaslight myself into believing I’m just not meeting my meds halfway, but maybe I am. I’m eating better. My body is healthier. I just don’t understand why that improved health isn’t making its way into my brain. Maybe I’m still in that fog that hits when you make big changes to your diet. Let’s say it’s just that.

Thanks for reading. If you have any ideas, shoot them my way. I’m no expert. At anything.

Later.

FEATURE IMAGE: Photo by Cris Saur on Unsplash

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